Reader:

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Morning Minute 2.20.26
​Self-Esteem vs. Self-Control​
​Why feeling good and being good must work together.

Self-esteem and self-control are often used interchangeably. But they are not the same.

Understanding the difference, and how they work together, is essential if young adults are going to be more, do more, and achieve more.

Let’s look at each. And, why both matter.

​Self-Esteem:

​Nathaniel Branden, author of The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, defined this trait as the confidence in one’s ability to think and cope, combined with a sense of worthiness. He described self-esteem as a practice, not just a feeling.

​Abraham Maslow, creator of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, taught that self-esteem is a developmental requirement, not a luxury. It is built through competence, achievement, and respect.

​Stephen R. Covey, author of 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, described healthy self-esteem as principle-centered living; rooted in internal values rather than external validation.

Most experts today make an important distinction:

• ❌ Inflated self-esteem: praise without competence
• ✅ Grounded self-esteem: confidence built through responsibility, growth, and contribution

This distinction matters because self-esteem that is not grounded in action…is fragile. And, is often misleading.

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​Self-Control:

​Aristotle described self-control as the habit that allows reason to govern impulses. He taught that it is a learned skill, built through repeated, disciplined actions.

​Viktor Frankl explained self-control this way: “Between stimulus and response there is a space…” That space is where dignity, responsibility, and meaning live.

Stephen R. Covey reinforced this idea in Habit #1: “Be Proactive — choosing our responses based on values, not emotions.”

Self-control is not repression. It is self-governance.

Why this Distinction Matters…

As we remind ourselves that education without action is just entertainment, we must be clear about this:

• Self-esteem asks: How do I see myself?
• Self-control asks: How do I govern myself?

Much of the chaos we see today comes from teaching young people that feeling worthy is more important than being worthy of trust and respect.

Confidence without control is fragile at best. And, personally very destructive at worst.

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How They Work Together

Self-control, grounded in positive values and respect for others, produces earned self-esteem.

When young people learn to:

1. govern themselves responsibly,
2. act with discipline and purpose,
3. and, contribute meaningfully to others,

they develop a self-esteem that is stable, resilient, and real.

That combination — self-control and self-esteem — is what creates trustworthy leaders and responsible adults.

And remember:
​ Information without transformation is wasted energy.

That is today’s Morning Minute.

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If a family member, team member, associate, or someone you know may find this message helpful, interesting, and/or informative, please share it with them.

As always, your comments, your questions, and your observations are greatly appreciated! Reach out to me at ​lab@larryonlearning.com​.

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Here are some recent Morning Minutes you may have missed with actionable ideas, useful instruction, and step-by-step methods to help you, your family, and/or your team to be more, do more, and achieve more.

​"What Will You Do Next?" See how that learning from setbacks, mistakes, and disappointments can create a life well-lived. Discover a short story that describes how the author was challenged at an early age with a substantial setback. Learn how that what YOU DO NEXT will determine if you will build better habits, stronger character, and/or real personal discipline!

​"Build Stronger Teams by Building Stronger Leaders!" Training & empowering the right people multiplies your impact creating superior results! Discover the 5 steps you can use to promote, attract, and train strong leaders. Learn why and how that creating stronger leaders creates stronger teams!

​"Team Member Turbulence - How Will You React?" Conflict between team members is inevitable. How you handle this conflict determines whether performance improves or resentment grows. Discover three real life examples of team member turbulence in 3 different industries. Then decide how you would react to these disturbances. Please leave your comment describing your reaction for at least 1 of these...or maybe all 3 if you dare!

​"What Nick Saban Teaches About Winning! How that championship teams understand winning in ways that others don't! Learn the 2 winning principles from the premier college football coach, Nock Saban. Whether in life business, or sports discover how that domination and forcing the reactions of your opponents keeps you in control.

​"Master Your Emotions for a Successful Life!" By controlling your emotions you create resilience and set yourself on a course toward a more purposeful life. Discover the 6 emotions of anger, fear, joy, envy, hate, and love. Learn specifically how to react to these emotions and use them to improve your relationships, your life, and your success. See how that managing your emotions stets you up for a successful life.

​"PUNCTUALITY: The Habit that Creates Big Advantages!" Why being punctual and showing up early builds trust and credibility, while creating hidden opportunities! Discover how that the father of our exchange student explained to him the importance and advantages of showing up early. Learn the 4 benefits you earn by being punctual. (The last benefit is one that no one ever discusses!)

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May God bless you, your family, you team, and your efforts!

Larry A. Bonorato lab@larryonlearning.com 864-630-2625

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(published by Bonorato Creative Group LLC; all rights reserved)